Moving Away from Timidity and Unease


This is my dance studio in North Park. I’m at the middle bar in plié. This was taken years ago, possibly my Sophomore year of high school. Standing near me is Kathryn Irey: teacher, dancer, comedian.


To my right is Kaylie, her smile is contagious and she is dearly missed. To my left is Gg: pointe shoe fitter, Feldenkrais practitioner, and all around wonderful person.   



The studio in December. Most years, following Thanksgiving, my dance teacher hangs Christmas lights along the mirror. I look forward to the lights all year and when they’re finally up I'm filled with child like joy on Christmas morning.

At thirteen I was an overly quiet and timid girl. I didn’t have the courage and strength that I do now. My mother moved us from the Coachella Valley to San Diego and at first I thought the move would bring me instant joy and new friends, but for years I made none and I hardly spoke or smiled.
Shortly after moving to San Diego my eldest brother came home with a flyer from a studio I assume he walked past while out with friends. That day, nervously dialing the number on the flyer and frantically stressing over what I would say when someone answered, I called and spoke to Kathryn.
Over the years experiences and mistakes allow one to grow so of course I’m a different person than when I was thirteen but dance has provided me with a rewarding, comfortable, and judgement free space that has fundamentally shaped me into the person I am.
Without this studio I would have been shaped by my school, a place that made me uncomfortable and where I easily compared myself to others. And then there was my home, another space in which my mother’s judgement, lectures, and expectations stifled my growth. But at my studio, over the years, I developed greater maturity through observing my fellow dancers and I learned to worry less. Getting to know these people, being more comfortable around them, and slowly opening up to them taught me to be open with others. Because of them I felt comfortable joining a boxing gym and approaching people there even if perhaps on the outside they appeared daunting and unapproachable. Now I try to observe the environment through my dance teacher's eyes. Is this stretching helpful or a waste of time? Are these neck exercises as ridiculous as I think they are? Does this professor know what they’re talking about or are they faking it?
Above all dance has brought me self-awareness and freedom. Ballet is challenging but it's such a fun and rewarding art form. I hardly know how to describe the freedom and connection I experience while dancing. I'm by no means a good dancer, but over the years I've developed technique. I have a greater understanding of how to connect my body parts through my movement. So when I’ve finally done something right, when I’m finally getting somewhere with certain movements or combinations, I’m filled with such incomparable joy and excitement.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 5, 2018 at 8:31 AM

    Hi Alessandra!
    I relate to your experiences in an opposite way, actually! When I moved from one city (and state) to a different one at the end of 8th grade, I was absolutely mortified. I didn't want to go, I was afraid of having to meet new people and make new friends, and I didn't want to start at a high school where I didn't know anyone. However, after moving, I actually enjoyed it so much and opened up in a way I never knew I could. It changed me as a person.
    However, I never really found a passion like you have. Clearly dance has molded you into the person you are, and the person you want to be. You are honestly so lucky to have something in your life that you are not only passionate about, but you enjoy completely.
    Ballet is so beautiful and it requires so much stamina and strength, I applaud you for sticking with it for so many years.
    Great post, thank you for letting us know this about you!
    Yliana Alba

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  2. UnknownSeptember 5, 2018 at 3:21 PM

    Hello Alessandra,

    I love your enthusiasm about dance. What you are saying in your last paragraph I can connect with my experience on the wrestling team in high school. Wrestling was fun and rewarding, I have developed greater body awareness and I was ecstatic when I executed a new move near perfect. From what I read, It seems that you are extremely grateful to have had your dance studio in your life to help shape you into you, and better prepare you for adulthood. I know this is how I felt about my wrestling program. Like the Christmas lights on the studio mirrors, our wrestling team had its Christmas traditions which I looked forward towards every year. The smell of a lemon scented cleaning products brings back fond memories and excites me because this was how the team’s mat cleaner smelt. I knew it was time to kick some ass as I smell this while walking into practice. I think its funny how our sense of has such a powerful effect on our memories, and I’m curious to know if you have a similar experience with your sport.

    Thank you for sharing,

    Phillip Tarantino

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownSeptember 6, 2018 at 4:01 PM

    Hello Alessandra,
    First of all all of your beautiful pictures allowed to set the tone for your blog, loved them! I find it amazing how one can express themselves through movement and feel free.I did ballet when I was little and absolutely loved it! However, I had a different experience from yours. In my case I felt more self-conscious about my dancing due to the fact that I was overweight when I was little. I quit dancing when I was in 4th grade but still to this moment regret my decision. Therefore, when I read your blog it brought a smile to my face knowing that to someone like you is still pursuing their love for dance. With time, we start to figuring out the important things in life which are self awareness and self growth, and it seems like you are doing so very well.
    One thing to take away from this: Never give up! It doesn't matter if you do not have the best technique, what matters is that you continue to improve and love the process.

    Julianna Jimenez

    ReplyDelete
  4. Erin FlewSeptember 7, 2018 at 6:19 AM

    I see your passion for dancing, Alessandra, and I really understand the mind/body connection you have gained from dancing. We are not just body-less minds, but connecting the physical/mental/psychological parts makes us whole people which enriches our lives. I remember when I used to go to the gym regularly--when I walked out, I felt so powerful. Not so much because I was super strong or anything like that but because I was connecting to all that I am, and that made me stronger. Thanks for sharing your joy for dance.

    ReplyDelete

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